Updated: Aug 24, 2022
It's so funny, how today I was suddenly reminded of myself back when I was younger. The thought arose, I wonder if I can find a picture of myself when I was younger? And I couldn't even find one, not in any of my old albums, nor any of my social media. Accept this one little note when I was in grade 7, it stated 'splinter in my foot, nobody's help'. I then asked my mother and eventually she found a few pictures.
But it was so surprising to me because I suddenly realized just how much I tried to erase my past. That I didn't want a shred of memory to be kept, even in the form of a photo.
I was being brought back to who I was back then, a child who for the most part had suppressed all her emotions, including the emotions she believed was negative and wrong to feel. Suppression was how I dealt with life. Suppression of my frustration, grief, unworthiness and loneliness.
Frustration for the versions of myself that others perceived, never really seeing me as I truly was, and never really being embraced for the innocence that was wanting to be seen. I had endured such suffering and constantly seeked so much approval, validation and acceptance from others. I constructed many different versions of myself and became a people pleaser in order to be loved, because I felt so insignificant and so small. There was no part of me that believed that who I was, was good enough. I ultimately seeked perfection in all aspects of myself and my life, because I wanted so badly to be seen, heard, felt and accepted. Little did I know till much later on, that all that time,, through it all - I wasn't accepting myself, I wasn't embracing myself and I wasn't listening to myself. This was a core wound that I carried for a long time.
Synchronistically this is not who I am today, because those experiences of pain, suffering, suppression and contrast inevitably gave rise to experiences that would be the catalyst for my intensive healing and embodiment today. Claiming my divine Sovereignty in all its forms. And finally allowing myself to embrace my emotions, my story and myself. I had seen enough pain to know that I no longer wanted to live a lie, that I wanted to truly live. And live my truth, just as I am.
Those memories remind me of just how important our emotions are, that sometimes we push them aside instead of allowing ourselves to feel what is inherently ours. Yes! they were and are our emotions, our experiences. Emotions that are meant to be felt, experienced and embraced. But in the same breath, resistance or no resistance, we cannot get this journey wrong. Everything ultimately brings us back home. Brings us back into union with ourselves and our divine nature. Period.
If you are ready to live in Pure Presence, to commune in divine pure love, accelerate your healing and completely be in a state of allowing and acceptance of what is, come and join me in my upcoming course in May. I look forward to connecting and communing with you all!
All My Love Riana